just thoughts

Reading, writing, reflecting. Trying to take an honest look at myself as much as I can. And that's not easy.
I've realised that it take years to build yourself a safe, comfortable, unchallenging, mindlessly busy life. You may spend most of this life cribbing and complaining about all the insignificant hindrances around you. Your job -- which is probably one of the most exciting jobs the city has to offer (how many of us gets to scan a city’s flora and fauna for a living) -- begins to seem like drudgery. Everything becomes a routine.
Over the past months, events -- uncalled for accidents -- have made me take a fresh look at myself. This probably takes greater courage than losing a dear one, because here you are on your own. Stripped of your ego, your pride, your status, your friendships – its your own individual world. The world closest to your soul. The world where every one of us stands alone.
Am dwelling on taking on an experiment to explore this inner world. Put away all that I have done, all that I have been and all that I stood for – and start from scratch. I’m afraid what the experiment would reveal. What would I lose and how would I come out? Would there be anything of me left at all? Several questions in my mind. But there's one excitement -- the hope that finally, finally, I may befriend my soul. The hope that I would soon know who I am -- not good, not bad, not kind, not mean... just that one existantial question. Who am I.